न गन्तव्यं वनं देव्या सीतया शीलवर्जिते। अनुष्ठास्यति रामस्य सीता प्रकृतमासनम्।।

You are devoid of good conduct, O कैकेयी, देवी सीता need not go to the forest. Remaining here she should occupy the royal throne of राम.

आत्मा हि दारास्सर्वेषां दारसङ्ग्रहवर्तिनाम्। आत्मेयमिति रामस्य पालयिष्यति मेदिनीम्।।

For every householder, his wife is the आत्मा. Since सीता is the soul of राम, she can rule this earth.

ऋषि Vashishtha utters these words in the अयोध्या कांड of the Srimad वाल्मीकि रामायण. This sentence comes up as ऋषि Vashistha scolds कैकेयी when she hands over forest clothing to सीता to wear in the forest. But is this expression of the ऋषि just an emotional outburst because he was unhappy watching सीता suffer? Not really – this line is in consonance with the view on धर्म expressed within various other textss. The blog below explores how ऋषि मनु envisages an ideal relationship between wife and husband that is in keeping with धर्म.

Idea of masculine and feminine in Indian texts

We always have a fundamental question – why have humans as well as many animals designed with this idea of a masculine and feminine? This appears as a fundamental truism across all species though no one can answer as to why it is so. Why should there be a seed-giving masculine and an egg-giving feminine as a fundamental idea? And this idea appears right from the beginning of living beings. Ancient Hindu worldview talks about masculine and feminine as an eternal phenomenon. मनुस्मृति begins with the process of creation of the Universe and within a few verses, the following verse comes up:

द्विधा कृत्वाऽत्मनो देहमर्धेन पुरुषोऽभवत् । अर्धेन नारी तस्यां स विराजमसृजत् प्रभुः

Having divided his body into two halves, with the one half, the Lord became पुरुष or Male, and with the other half, नारी or Female; from her, he produced Virāj.

Says Medhatithi who gives a commentary on the स्मृति – this mention of the bifurcation of Prajāpati’s body is based upon the fact that the husband and wife differ only in their bodies, and in all functions they are entirely united.

The conception of the Universe itself began with a conception of पुरुष or the male principle and प्रकृति or the female principle. This unity is one of the most critical ideas from ancient Hindu thought. In the Srimad Bhagavadgita too, श्री Krishna says the below in the 13th Chapter –

प्रकृतिं पुरुषं चैव विद्ध्यनादी उभावपि। विकारांश्च गुणांश्चैव विद्धि प्रकृतिसंभवान् ।।

Know that (विद्धि) both (उभौ अपि) प्रकृति and the पुरुष (प्रकृतिं पुरुष च) are without beginning (अनादि); know that (विद्धि) all modifications (विकारान् एव च) and the attributes (गुणान् च) are born of (संभवान्) प्रकृति.

And continuing further, He says:

कार्यकरणकर्तृत्वे हेतुः प्रकृतिरुच्यते। पुरुषः सुखदुःखानां भोक्तृत्वे हेतुरुच्यते।।13.21।।

The प्रकृति is said to be (उच्यते) the cause (हेतुः) of agency (कर्तृत्वे) to the body (कार्य) and instruments (करण). The पुरुष is said to be (उच्यते) the cause of (हेतुः) experiencing (भोक्तृत्वे) pleasure and pain (सुखदुःखानां).

Inseparabality of the masculine and feminine

शिवसूत्र provides a wonderful perspective on the masculine and feminine. As per the सूत्र, Ultimate Reality is cit or Parasamvit. It is non-relational consciousness. It is the changeless principle of all changes. In it, there is no distinction of subject and object, of I and This. It is the Supreme Self surveying Itself. In the words of Pratya- bhijna Sastra, it is prakasa-vimarsamaya. Prakasa is the Eternal Light without which nothing can appear. It is Siva. Vimarsa is Sakti, the svabhava of Siva. It is, so to speak, the mirror in which Siva realizes His own grandeur, power and beauty. Vimarsa is the Kartrtva Sakti (the power of doer-ship) of Siva. Mere Prakasa cannot be the nature of Reality. Even diamond is prakasa, but the diamond does not know itself as prakasa. Vimarsa is that aspect of prakasa by which it knows itself. That self-knowledge is an activity. Vimarsa betokens that activity. If Ultimate Reality were merely prakasa and not also vimarsa, it would be entirely powerless and inert. It is this I-consciousness of Ultimate Reality that is responsible for the manifestation, maintenance, and re- absorption of the universe. Cit is conscious of itself as Cidrupini sakti. This conscious- ness of itself as Cidrupini sakti is Vimarsa. Vimarsa has been named variously as parasakti, svatantrya, aisvarya, Kartrtva, sphuratta, sara, hrdaya, spanda.

It is the svabhava or very nature of Ultimate Reality to manifest. Creativity is of the very essence of Divinity. If Ultimate Reality did not manifest, it would not be Self or consciousness, but not-Self, something like a jar. The सूत्र therefore concludes that Ultimate Reality or ParamaSiva is prakasa-vimarsamaya

यथा न्यग्रोधबीजस्थ: शक्तिरूपो महाद्रुमः | तथा हृदयबीजस्थं विश्वमेतच्चराचरम् ||

“As the great banyan tree lies only in the form of potency in the seed, even so the entire universe with all the mobile and immobile beings lies as a potency in the heart of the Supreme.” The Sakti of the Supreme is called Citi or parasakti or paravak.

It is for this reason that most Hindu temples show  the main deity which is a representation of परमात्मा as a Divine couple instead of a singular. 

Example of inseparability within रामायण

Given the above background, it is no wonder that one comes across the famous analogy of the Sun and the Sun rays used within the texts with the Sun representing the masculine aspect and the Sunrays representing the feminine aspect. Both are one, both are inseparable. In the सुंदरकांड within the रामायण, when asked by सीता as to how राम was living without her, श्री हनुमान् said the following:

तवादर्शनजेनार्ये शोकेन स परिप्लुतः। न शर्म लभते रामस्सिंहार्दित इव द्विपः।।

O noble lady not being able to see you, राम is immersed in an ocean of sorrow, he has no solace like an elephant tormented by a lion.

न मांसं राघवो भुङक्ते न चाऽपि मधु सेवते। वन्यं सुविहितं नित्यं भक्तमश्नाति पञ्चमम्।।

“राम is not eating meat, nor drinking wine. He takes only the one fifth of a meal (sanctioned for an ascetic) available in the forest.

नैव दंशान्न मशकान्न कीटान्न सरीसृपान्। राघवोऽपनयेद्गात्रात्त्वद्गतेनान्तरात्मना।।

“Since you left, राम has been always thinking sincerely of you, no longer drives away flies or mosquitoes nor insects or serpents from his body (his mind entirely fixed on you).

नित्यं ध्यानपरो रामो नित्यं शोकपरायणः। नान्यच्चिन्तयते किञ्चित्स तु कामवशं गतः।।

“राम is always lost in thought. He is totally given to grief. Absorbed in love for you, he thinks of none else

अनिद्रस्सततं रामस्सुप्तोऽपि च नरोत्तमः। सीतेति मधुरां वाणीं व्याहरन्प्रतिबुध्यते।।

“राम, the best of men never goes to sleep and even if he drops off to sleep he mutters ‘सीता – सीता in a sweet voice in his sleep.

दृष्ट्वा फलं वा पुष्पं वा यद्वाऽन्यत्सुमनोहरम्। बहुशो हा प्रियेत्येवं श्वसंस्त्वामभिभाषते।।

“Sighing deeply whenever राम sees a fruit or a flower or any such delightful thing, he remembers you and calls you out again and again, saying – हा प्रिये!

स देवि नित्यं परितप्यमान स्त्वामेव सीतेत्यभिभाषमाणः। धृतव्रतो राजसुतो महात्मा तवैव लाभाय कृतप्रयत्नः।।

“O divine lady prince राम is ceaselessly suffering. He keeps talking to you in air. The determined राम is only thinking of your recovery “.

Is husband masculine and wife feminine?

No. All of us are having both components within us – all those who are males and those who are females are both a mixture of पुरुष and प्रकृति. As भगवान् says in the Gita –

कार्यकरणकर्तृत्वे हेतुः प्रकृतिरुच्यते। पुरुषः सुखदुःखानां भोक्तृत्वे हेतुरुच्यते ।।

The प्रकृति is said to be (उच्यते) the cause (हेतुः) of agency (कर्तृत्वे) to the body (कार्य) and instruments (करण). The पुरुष is said to be (उच्यते) the cause of (हेतुः) experiencing (भोक्तृत्वे) pleasure and pain (सुखदुःखानां).

1. कार्य means body, the effect. करण means instruments of perception which is the sense organs (eye sees, ear hears, etc). And कारण means cause. So wherever there is कार्य and कारण, viz effect and cause, the reason for these to happen is प्रकृति. Body is called as an effect since body gets formed owing to कर्म done through operation of the senses. कर्म is the कारण here. This means that wherever there is action by instrument of senses, they always deal in cause and effect relation and this is the zone of प्रकृति. You take food and digest it – you get strength and you can see प्रकृति there. Eating for strength or joy thus is an activity compelled by प्रकृति within us. जन्म & मरण are both within the zone of प्रकृति since doer-ship for actions happens at a मन/ बुद्धि level causing कर्म which in turn necessarily creates a field of experience viz the body or क्षेत्र. As we know, both मन/ बुद्धि and शरीर are evolutes of प्रकृति only.
2. So where is पुरुष present? Wherever there is an अनुभव of सुख or दु:ख, पुरुष is present there. प्रकृति has no सुख or दु:ख since it is dull dead matter; a table or chair does not have सुख or दु:ख. Why just a table – even a जिव्हा or उदर or चक्षु (which are प्रकृति) do not have an अनुभव of joy since they merely convey their sensation to the real experiencer viz us. Only because there is पुरुष, one experiences सुख or दु:ख. Do note that while पुरुष has अनुभव of सुख or दु:ख, He is not सुखी or दु:खी.
3. Wherever we see an inert object like a stone, they just exist and we call a stone as प्रकृति with the सत् (means existence) aspect of पुरुष. Similarly, a table or chair just exist and these also may be taken primarily as evolutes of प्रकृति. Nature is also called as प्रकृति since it merely exists – nature has no consciousness. But wherever there is a प्राणी, you have सत् + चित्. So in a प्राणी, प्रकृति combines with सत् + चित् aspect of पुरुष. And wherever this aspect of पुरुष comes about, there is भोक्तृत्व which means ability to have अनुभव or enjoy and thus from the living cell onwards, we have both सत् as well as भोक्तृत्व.
4. Then what about us? We also have भोक्तृत्व owing to अनुभव but something is missing. पुरुष is all three put together – सत् – चित् – आनन्द eternally. And while you and me today certainly possess both सत् & चित् aspect of पुरुष, आनन्द of an eternal nature eludes us. Even our temporary आनन्द depends on some aspect of प्रकृति (eating food, drinking, etc) and is thus a dependent आनन्द. Once आनन्द of an innate type comes onto us, we have achieved कैवल्य. Any life form – a plant body or animal body or human body, can have an अनुभव of कैवल्य once पूर्ण पुरुष of the सत् – चित् – आनन्द aspect gets fully expressed within itself.
5. Just to reiterate, we take on a body owing to our कर्म. कर्म here means all actions done with doer-ship. Doer-ship means acting with an idea that we are limited and separate from others. One who DOES an action is spurred by प्रकृति while पुरुष does not act at all – it just witnesses and enjoys. Thus, when we do धर्म, we are not doing OUR action. OUR means action arising within the मन/ बुद्धि complex. A judge who gives judgement setting his convict son free will not incur कर्म if his judgement was based on evidence. This is because his action is impersonal in the sense that any other धार्मिक judge would have acted in a same way. If there is no कर्म, no “cause” happens and thus no “effect” in the form of body comes about in the future.

Purpose of मनुस्मृति text

All of us are born as sub-optimal people. All are born with imperfections living in a world where we try to live a decent life where we attempt to attain prosperity (अर्थ) and enjoy life (काम). The स्मृति is however not meant for people who are focussed on अर्थ and काम only – its focus is धर्म with काम and अर्थ are subsidiary to धर्म. Focus of the text will be clear in the following verses:

कामात्मता न प्रशस्ता न चैवैहास्त्यकामता । काम्यो हि वेदाधिगमः कर्मयोगश्च वैदिकः ॥ २ ॥

It is not right to be absorbed in काम—“But there is in this world, no absolute absence of काम; for the study of the वेद itself is prompted by काम, as also every act prescribed in the वेद.

सङ्कल्पमूलः कामो वै यज्ञाः सङ्कल्पसम्भवाः । व्रतानि यमधर्माश्च सर्वे सङ्कल्पजाः स्मृताः ॥ ३ ॥

काम has its root in Thought; यज्ञ proceed from Thought; व्रत and यम —all these have been described as originating in Thought

अकामस्य क्रिया का चिद् दृश्यते नैह कर्हि चित् । यद् यद् हि कुरुते किं चित् तत् तत् कामस्य चेष्टितम् ॥ ४ ॥

No action is ever found in this world to be done by a man entirely without काम; whatever a man does is the outcome of काम

तेषु सम्यग् वर्तमानो गच्छत्यमरलोकताम् । यथा सङ्कल्पितांश्चैह सर्वान् कामान् समश्नुते ॥

Behaving in the right manner, in regard to these (काम), a man attains the position of Immortals (देव लोक); and even in this world he obtains all the काम that he may have thought of.

वेदोऽखिलो धर्ममूलं स्मृतिशीले च तद्विदाम् । आचारश्चैव साधूनामात्मनस्तुष्टिरेव च ॥

The entire वेद is the root-source of धर्म; also the conscientious recollection of righteous persons versed in the वेद (greats from इतिहास and Purana texts), the Practice of Good (and learned) Men, and their self-satisfaction.

श्रुतिस्मृत्योदितं धर्ममनुतिष्ठन् हि मानवः । इह कीर्तिमवाप्नोति प्रेत्य चानुत्तमं सुखम् ॥

For the man performing the duty laid down by the स्रुति (or the वेद) and the recollections obtains fame here, and after death, unsurpassed happiness

वेदः स्मृतिः सदाचारः स्वस्य च प्रियमात्मनः । एतच्चतुर्विधं प्राहुः साक्षाद् धर्मस्य लक्षणम् ॥

The वेद, the स्मृति, the Practice of cultured Men, and what is agreeable to oneself—these directly constitute the fourfold means of knowing धर्म

अर्थकामेष्वसक्तानां धर्मज्ञानं विधीयते । धर्मं जिज्ञासमानानां प्रमाणं परमं श्रुतिः ॥

The knowledge of धर्म is ordained for those who are not addicted to the pursuit of अर्थ and काम; and for those seeking for the knowledge of धर्म, the स्रुति (or the वेद) is the highest authority.

Given the above, मनुस्मृति very clearly focusses on attainment of धर्म. And acquisition of धर्म is the primal pursuit of Hindu thought. And what benefit does धर्म give? As the text says above, such a person will attain fame in this world while living as well as after leaving the body. The text therefore lists a long list of prescriptions for men and women to follow to live a life of धर्म. If someone is interested ONLY in pursuit of career, acquire a lot of money and a life filled with entertainment, this text is a waste of time. But for one who is pursuing these merely for survival or to experience रस but primarily interested in living a life of धर्म, prescriptions of this text become useful. In this context, there are prescriptions for men and women too if attainment of धर्म is their main goal. To reiterate, if pursuit of धर्म is not important or even considered relevant to modern life, kindly stop reading further.

How is the idea of प्रकृति and पुरुष relevant to a marriage?

We have said that both प्रकृति and पुरुष are inseparable. Both a female and a male have both of them put together. Male is not पुरुष alone nor female is प्रकृति alone. Both however have to come together to create life just as Universe creation came about through union of शिव and शक्ति. There is a famous line that should be known to all – शिव is शिव because of शक्ति – if there is no शक्ति, शिव becomes Shava (meaning a dead body). But both are bringing together their different characteristics to make life possible. शिव gives identity while शक्ति gives meaning. शिव represents the static aspect of the Universe while शक्ति represents the dynamic aspect of the Universe. As the identity principle, शिव makes existence possible शक्ति is the dependent principle just as Sunrays are dependent on the Sun. Universe is orderly since शक्ति creates the Universe as per the wishes of शिव and hence शक्ति is shown in our texts as a devoted wife of शिव.

In a marriage too, when male and female come together, they are continuing what was true at the start of the Universe – the merger of पुरुष and प्रकृति. To be more precise, before the creation of the Universe, both प्रकृति and पुरुष were in a state of bliss within themselves in a dormant mode and creation happened once they activated themselves externally – and so a visible universe has come about. And in all marriages, every male and female discharge the role of प्रकृति and पुरुष by means of their roles. Therefore, ऋषि मनु and others asked humans to organise themselves in the ritual of marriage on the lines of how शिव and शक्ति organised themselves and live the life of Unity rather than as two distinct individuals. In doing so, they must work to experience the bliss of शिव and शक्ति or bliss of नारायण and महालक्ष्मी or love of राम and सीता.

General attitude of men towards wives and women

So what is the attitude that men are supposed to have with respect to women in the society? Here, an interesting set of verses within मनुस्मृति are given as below –

पितृभिर्भ्रातृभिश्चैताः पतिभिर्देवरैस्तथा । पूज्या भूषयितव्याश्च बहुकल्याणं ईप्सुभिः ।।

Women must be honoured and adorned by their fathers, brothers, husbands, and brothers-in-law, who desire (their own) welfare.

यत्र नार्यस्तु पूज्यन्ते रमन्ते तत्र देवताः । यत्रैतास्तु न पूज्यन्ते सर्वास्तत्राफलाः क्रियाः ।।

Where women are honoured, there the Devas are pleased; but where they are not honoured, no sacred rite yields rewards.

शोचन्ति जामयो यत्र विनश्यत्याशु तत्कुलम् । न शोचन्ति तु यत्रैता वर्धते तद्धि सर्वदा ।।

Where the female relations live in grief, the family soon wholly perishes; but that family where they are not unhappy ever prospers.

जामयो यानि गेहानि शपन्त्यप्रतिपूजिताः । तानि कृत्याहतानीव विनश्यन्ति समन्ततः ।।

The houses on which female relations, not being duly honoured, pronounce a curse, perish completely, as if destroyed by magic.

तस्मादेताः सदा पूज्या भूषणाच्छादनाशनैः । भूतिकामैर्नरैर्नित्यं सत्करेषूत्सवेषु च ।।

Hence men who seek (their own) welfare, should always honour women on holidays and festivals with (gifts of) ornaments, clothes, and (dainty) food.

संतुष्टो भार्यया भर्ता भर्त्रा भार्या तथैव च । यस्मिन्नेव कुले नित्यं कल्याणं तत्र वै ध्रुवम् ।।

In that family, where the husband is pleased with his wife and the wife with her husband, happiness will assuredly be lasting.

यदि हि स्त्री न रोचेत पुमांसं न प्रमोदयेत् । अप्रमोदात्पुनः पुंसः प्रजनं न प्रवर्तते ।।

For if the wife is not radiant with beauty, she will not attract her husband; but if she has no attractions for him, no children will be born.

स्त्रियां तु रोचमानायां सर्वं तद्रोचते कुलम् । तस्यां त्वरोचमानायां सर्वं एव न रोचते ।।

If the wife is radiant with beauty, the whole house is bright; but if she is destitute of beauty, all will appear dismal.

सुवासिनीः कुमारीश्च रोगिणो गर्भिणीः स्त्रियः । अतिथिभ्योऽग्र एवैतान् भोजयेदविचारयन् ॥ ११४ ॥

Newly married girls, maidens, sick persons and pregnant women,—these one should, without hesitation, feed immediately after the guests

प्रजनार्थं महाभागाः पूजार्हा गृहदीप्तयः । स्त्रियः श्रियश्च गेहेषु न विशेषोऽस्ति कश्चन ॥

There is no difference whatever between the goddess of fortune (महालक्ष्मी) and the women who secure many blessings for the sake of bearing children, who are worthy of worship and who form the glory of their household

Says Medhatithi in his commentary on the स्मृति: Women are like effulgence in their home. It is well-known that there is no comfort at home, in the absence of the wife. Even when there is plenty of wealth, if the wife is absent, the household is not able to attend to the feeding and other needs of friends and relatives that may happen to come in as guests. In fact, such men are as powerless as poor men. For this reason there is no difference between महालक्ष्मी and women in their homes

उत्पादनमपत्यस्य जातस्य परिपालनम् । प्रत्यहं लोकयात्रायाः प्रत्यक्षं स्त्री निबन्धनम् ॥

The begetting of the child, the nourishing of the born, and the ordinary life of the world,—of each of these things the woman is clearly the main-spring

अपत्यं धर्मकार्याणि शुश्रूषा रतिरुत्तमा । दाराऽधीनस्तथा स्वर्गः पितॄणामात्मनश्च ह ॥ २८ ॥

Off-spring, religious acts, faithful service, highest happiness,—all this is dependent on the wife; as also the attainment of heaven by oneself as well as by his forefathers

चक्रिणो दशमीस्थस्य रोगिणो भारिणः स्त्रियाः । स्नातकस्य च राज्ञश्च पन्था देयो वरस्य च ॥

Way should be made for one in a chariot, for one who is in the tenth stage of life, for one suffering from disease, for one carrying a burden, for a woman, for the person who has just passed out of studentship, for the king and for the bridegroom

उपाध्यायान् दशाचार्य आचार्याणां शतं पिता । सहस्रं तु पितॄन् माता गौरवेणातिरिच्यते ॥ १४५ ॥

In veneration, the Preceptor excels ten Sub-teachers; the Father a hundred preceptors, and the Mother a thousand Fathers

Should women live as dependents on men?

Just as शिव cannot live without शक्ति, शक्ति is not even conceivable without शिव. प्रकृति is seen in ancient Indian thought as a dependent principle while पुरुष described as independent principle. Probably owing to this idea, मनुस्मृति gives the following set of verses which do seem disturbing to read using a modern दृष्टि:

अस्वतन्त्राः स्त्रियः कार्याः पुरुषैः स्वैर्दिवानिशम् । विषयेषु च सज्जन्त्यः संस्थाप्या आत्मनो वशे ॥

During the day and the night women should not be left to themselves by their men. If they become addicted to sensual objects, they should be kept under one’s control

पिता रक्षति कौमारे भर्ता रक्षति यौवने । रक्षन्ति स्थविरे पुत्रा न स्त्री स्वातन्त्र्यमर्हति ॥

The father guards her during virginity, the husband guards her in youth, the sons guard her in old age; the woman is never fit for independence

कालेऽदाता पिता वाच्यो वाच्यश्चानुपयन् पतिः । मृते भर्तरि पुत्रस्तु वाच्यो मातुररक्षिता ॥

Censurable is the father who gives her not away at the right time; censurable the husband who approaches her not; and censurable the son who, on the death of her husband, does not take care of her

सूक्ष्मेभ्योऽपि प्रसङ्गेभ्यः स्त्रियो रक्ष्या विशेषतः । द्वयोर्हि कुलयोः शोकमावहेयुररक्षिताः ॥

Women should be specially guarded against even small attachments; for, if not guarded, they would bring grief to both families

इमं हि सर्ववर्णानां पश्यन्तो धर्ममुत्तमम् । यतन्ते रक्षितुं भार्यां भर्तारो दुर्बला अपि ॥

Looking upon this as the highest duty of all castes, even weak husbands strive to guard their wives

स्वां प्रसूतिं चरित्रं च कुलमात्मानमेव च । स्वं च धर्मं प्रयत्नेन जायां रक्षन् हि रक्षति ॥

He who carefully protects his wife preserves his offspring, his character, his family, his own self, and also his धर्म

न कश्चिद् योषितः शक्तः प्रसह्य परिरक्षितुम् । एतैरुपाययोगैस्तु शक्यास्ताः परिरक्षितुम् ॥

No man can guard women forcibly; they can however be guarded by the employment of these expedients

अर्थस्य सङ्ग्रहे चैनां व्यये चैव नियोजयेत् । शौचे धर्मेऽन्नपक्त्यां च पारिणाह्यस्य वेक्षणे ॥

He shall employ her in the accumulation and disbursement of wealth, as also in cleanliness, in religious acts, in the cooking of food and in taking care of the household furniture

अरक्षिता गृहे रुद्धाः पुरुषैराप्तकारिभिः । आत्मानमात्मना यास्तु रक्षेयुस्ताः सुरक्षिताः ॥

Women confined in the house under trusted servants are not well guarded; really well guarded are those who guard themselves by themselves.

बालया वा युवत्या वा वृद्धया वाऽपि योषिता । न स्वातन्त्र्येण कर्तव्यं किं चिद् कार्यं गृहेष्वपि ॥ १४५ ॥

Whether she be a child, or a young woman, or an aged woman, she should not do any act by herself, even in the house

बाल्ये पितुर्वशे तिष्ठेत् पाणिग्राहस्य यौवने । पुत्राणां भर्तरि प्रेते न भजेत् स्त्री स्वतन्त्रताम् ॥ १४६ ॥

In childhood she should remain under the control of her father, in youth under that of her husband, and on the husband’s death under that of her sons; the woman should never have recourse to independence.

पित्रा भर्त्रा सुतैर्वाऽपि नेच्छेद् विरहमात्मनः । एषां हि विरहेण स्त्री गर्ह्ये कुर्यादुभे कुले ॥ १४७ ॥

She should not seek separation from her father, husband or sons: by separating, the woman would render both families disreputable.

सदा प्रहृष्टया भाव्यं गृहकार्ये च दक्षया । सुसंस्कृतोपस्करया व्यये चामुक्तहस्तया ॥ १४८ ॥

She should be always cheerful and alert in household-work; she should have the utensils well-cleaned and in spending she should be close-fisted’

यस्मै दद्यात् पिता त्वेनां भ्राता वाऽनुमते पितुः । तं शुश्रूषेत जीवन्तं संस्थितं च न लङ्घयेत् ॥ १४९ ॥

Him to whom her father may give her, or her brother with the father’s permission,—she shall attend upon as long as he lives, and shall not disregard him when he is dead

Says Medhatithi, ऋषि मनु used the words ‘Or her brother with the father’s permission’ to mean that just as the brother is entitled to give away the girl only with the father’s permission, so also is the father entitled to give her away only with the consent of her mother, though the present text speaks of the father as if he were free to give her away without consulting anyone else. And the reason for this lies in the fact that in all things the husband and wife have joint title, and the daughter belongs to both the parents. In fact it is pointed out that if the father is not alive, the girl may be given away by the mother. The child is born of both parents, and on this rests their right over her; hence it is only right that both should consult each other

Comments: On a first read to us in the 21st century, these lines seem patronising. मनु does not want women to be left alone. He wants them to be supervised all the time just as till recent times, women in Saudi Arabia were not allowed to drive or leave the house alone at any point of time. But on a deeper read, this idea is not fully out of place in today’s era too. Safety of women in postulated as a man’s responsibility. Man who does not take care is censured. While some women may not like this and we do see some women seeking freedom to live singly, even such women seek protection from the State by means of Law. This means that if not a man, a woman still needs protection from the State. As we have witnessed the history of the world, it is the women who suffer the most during wars and famines. And if and when we see women prospering and capable of showing their prowess, it is during peaceful times. मनु is thereby saying the same thing to men – take care of women. Do not use force to protect them – use common sense, allow them the freedom to move around but make sure that they are safe at all times. Such safety is conducive for them as well as the society. मनु is thus making man responsible for woman’s safety especially since it is the man who can ruin the life of a women through bad conduct. Men who do not take care of women must not be respected – that is the sentiment one can see being expressed in the above verses. In today’s era, technology has enabled women to become independent without the need of the presence of a physical man around them all the time – this needs to be encouraged further and men must be made accountable to enhance such technology that helps women. This is because if women are happy, men also can be happy and not otherwise. 

Duties of a man towards wife

भुक्तवत्स्वथ विप्रेषु स्वेषु भृत्येषु चैव हि । भुञ्जीयातां ततः पश्चादवशिष्टं तु दम्पती ॥

After the ब्राह्मण, his own people and servants have dined,—the husband and wife should afterwards eat what is left.

जामयोऽप्सरसां लोके वैश्वदेवस्य बान्धवाः । सम्बन्धिनो ह्यपां लोके पृथिव्यां मातृमातुलौ ॥
आकाशेशास्तु विज्ञेया बालवृद्धकृशातुराः । भ्राता ज्येष्ठः समः पित्रा भार्या पुत्रः स्वका तनुः ॥

Female relatives (have power) over the region of the Apsaras; maternal relations, over that of the Viśvedevas; marriage-relations, over the region of the Waters; the mother and maternal uncle, over the Earth; the children, the aged, the emaciated and the sick should be regarded as the lords of Ākāśa; the elder brother is equal to the Father; the wife and the son are one’s own body

छाया स्वो दासवर्गश्च दुहिता कृपणं परम् । तस्मादेतैरधिक्षिप्तः सहेतासञ्ज्वरः सदा ॥ १८५ ॥

Slaves are one’s own shadow; the daughter is the highest object of tenderness. For these reasons, when offended by these, he shall always bear it without heat

Interesting: Men are being told here to bear silently whenever they are offended by one’s family members. Equally, they are being told that wife and son are to be seen as one’s own body – there is no distinction between them at all. Women are eulogised further in some more verses as below.

तत् प्राज्ञेन विनीतेन ज्ञानविज्ञानवेदिना । आयुष्कामेन वप्तव्यं न जातु परयोषिति ॥

For this reason he who is intelligent, well-trained, and conversant with the sciences and the arts, should never, if he desires longevity, sow in another’s wife

Message: He must remain true to his wife and not commit adultery.

अनृतावृतुकाले च मन्त्रसंस्कारकृत् पतिः । सुखस्य नित्यं दातैह परलोके च योषितः ॥

The husband who has performed the mantric sacramental rites for women is the imparter of happiness to them both in season and out of season, here as well as in the next world.

Says Medhatithi, since it is only along with her husband that the wife is entitled to the performance of religious acts, and the acquiring of their results,—the husband is called ‘the importer of happiness in the next world,’

यादृग्गुणेन भर्त्रा स्त्री संयुज्येत यथाविधि । तादृग्गुणा सा भवति समुद्रेणैव निम्नगा ॥

When a woman is united in one form with a man possessed of certain qualities, she becomes herself endowed with similar qualities,—like a river united with the ocean

Says Medhatithi, if a man wishes to guard his wife, he should guard himself also against evil habits; and it is not the woman that should preserve her chastity. Since if the man has a bad character, his wife also becomes the same; just as the wife of a man possessed of good character becomes good. For instance the river, though herself sweet-watered, becomes saline like the Ocean, when she joins this latter

Message: In taking care of their wives, men must take care of their own character rather than attempting to control a woman using authority. If they guard themselves, their wife will blend with their husbands beautifully.

Duties of wife towards the husband

पतिं या नाभिचरति मनोवाग्देहसंयता । सा भर्तृलोकानाप्नोति सद्भिः साध्वीइति चोच्यते ॥
व्यभिचारात् तु भर्तुः स्त्री लोके प्राप्नोति निन्द्यताम् । सृगालयोनिं चाप्नोति पापरोगैश्च पीड्यते ॥

She, who does not fail in her duty to her husband, having her thought, speech and body well-controlled, reaches her husband’s regions; and is called ‘good’ by all gentle-men. The woman, who, through failure in her duty to her husband, becomes an object of contempt in the world, comes to be born as a jackal and is tormented by foul diseases

विशीलः कामवृत्तो वा गुणैर्वा परिवर्जितः । उपचार्यः स्त्रिया साध्व्या सततं देववत् पतिः ॥

Be he ill-mannered or of licentious habits or destitute of good qualities,—the husband should always be attended upon like a god by the true wife.

नास्ति स्त्रीणां पृथग् यज्ञो न व्रतं नाप्युपोषणम् । पतिं शुश्रूषते येन तेन स्वर्गे महीयते ॥

There is no separate sacrificing for women, no observances, no fastings; it is by means of serving her husband that she becomes exalted in heaven

पाणिग्राहस्य साध्वी स्त्री जीवतो वा मृतस्य वा । पतिलोकमभीप्सन्ती नाचरेत् किं चिदप्रियम् ॥

The good wife, desirous of reaching her husband’s regions, should never do anything that m ay be disagreeable to her husband, alive or dead

कामं तु क्षपयेद् देहं पुष्पमूलफलैः शुभैः । न तु नामापि गृह्णीयात् पत्यौ प्रेते परस्य तु ॥

Well might she macerate her body by means of pure flowers, roots and fruits; but she should not even mention the name of another man, after her husband is dead

आसीतामरणात् क्षान्ता नियता ब्रह्मचारिणी । यो धर्म एकपत्नीनां काङ्क्षन्ती तमनुत्तमम् ॥

Till her death, she should remain patient, self-controlled and chaste,—seeking that most excellent merit that accrues to women having a single husband

अनेकानि सहस्राणि कुमारब्रह्मचारिणाम् । दिवं गतानि विप्राणामकृत्वा कुलसन्ततिम् ॥

Many thousands of unmarried Brāhmaṇa students have gone to heaven, without having perpetuated their race

मृते भर्तरि साध्वी स्त्री ब्रह्मचर्ये व्यवस्थिता । स्वर्गं गच्छत्यपुत्राऽपि यथा ते ब्रह्मचारिणः ॥

On the death of her husband, the good wife who remains firm, goes to heaven, even though childless; just like those students

पतिं या नाभिचरति मनोवाग्देहसंयुता । सा भर्तृलोकमाप्नोति सद्भिः साध्वीति चोच्यते ॥
अनेन नारी वृत्तेन मनोवाग्देहसंयता । इहाग्र्यां कीर्तिमाप्नोति पतिलोकं परत्र च ॥

She, who does not fail in her duty to her husband, having her thought, speech and body well-controlled, reaches her husband’s regions; and is called ‘good’ by all gentle-men. By such conduct, the woman, having her thought, word and body well controlled, obtains excellent fame in this world, and also her husband’s region in the other world

Comments: Key duty of the wives, just like husbands above, is marital fidelity.

Why do females change their family names post marriage?

This question is often asked with no convincing answers. मनुस्मृति provides the following verses which give a clue on this practice:

क्षेत्रभूता स्मृता नारी बीजभूतः स्मृतः पुमान् । क्षेत्रबीजसमायोगात् सम्भवः सर्वदेहिनाम् ॥

The woman has been declared to be like the क्षेत्र, and the man has been declared to be like the बीज; and the production of all corporeal beings proceeds from the union of the क्षेत्र and the बीज.

विशिष्टं कुत्र चिद् बीजं स्त्रीयोनिस्त्वेव कुत्र चित् । उभयं तु समं यत्र सा प्रसूतिः प्रशस्यते ॥

In some cases the बीज is prominent; but in others it is the female womb; when both are equal, the offspring is highly commended

बीजस्य चैव योन्याश्च बीजमुत्कृष्टमुच्यते । सर्वभूतप्रसूतिर्हि बीजलक्षणलक्षिता ॥

As between the बीज and the womb, the seed is declared to be dominant; because the production of all things is marked by the characteristics of the seed.

यादृशं तूप्यते बीजं क्षेत्रे कालोपपादिते । तादृग् रोहति तत् तस्मिन् बीजं स्वैर्व्यञ्जितं गुणैः ॥

As is the बीज which is sown in the क्षेत्र prepared in season, so does the seed spring forth, marked by its own qualities.”

इयं भूमिर्हि भूतानां शाश्वती योनिरुच्यते । न च योनिगुणान् कांश्चिद् बीजं पुष्यति पुष्टिषु ॥

This earth is called the primeval womb of things; and yet, in its development, the बीज does not develop any qualities of the womb.

अन्यदुप्तं जातमन्यदित्येतन्नोपपद्यते । उप्यते यद् हि यद् बीजं तत् तदेव प्ररोहति ॥

It is not possible that what is sown is of one kind and what is produced is of a different kind; the बीज that is produced is the same that is sown.

Given that the above, the idea that the Rishi is intending to convey is that when we plant mango trees on a piece of land, the land takes the name of a mango plantation and if we plant coffee, it takes the name of a coffee plantation. The name of the seed is what the land takes on. Therefore, in this backdrop, this idea is being applied to marriages too and we see a practice across all countries where a woman changes her family name to that of a man or kids too taking the names of their fathers (of course, there are exceptions to this and each such exception has its own unique explanation which I will avoid here for now). Therefore, the daughter of Janaka is called as Janaki or daughter of Drupada becomes Draupadi, etc.

One may argue – this is insulting to a woman. Why should we listen to the ऋषि? My idea is not to get into such a discussion but merely to explain the probable reason as to why things are they were they are… till now. If people do not like this, everyone is free to change to whatever practice appeals to them.

What I do not like in the स्मृति?

The following verse stands out as unpalatable

शय्याऽऽसनमलङ्कारं कामं क्रोधमनार्जवम् । द्रोहभावं कुचर्यां च स्त्रीभ्यो मनुरकल्पयत् ॥

Manu assigned to women शय्या, sitting, अलङ्कारं, काम, क्रोध, dishonesty, enmity-feeling (triggered by needless competitiveness) and negative conduct

The above verse is grossly unfair in my personal opinion. Why should मनु assign these words for women only? These are very much aspects that apply to men too. In reality, maybe they apply to men more than women. So why such an obnoxious line? We have three alternatives:

1. मनु has indeed written this but we are fully empowered to reject this line. We ignore this line and move on, OR
2. मनु has not written this line. This verse may be a later day interpolation. Given the numerous verses described in other verses, this verse stands out as unusual – so we reject this line fully as this was not written by मनु, OR
3. मनु may have made this sentence in the context of making a case for a man to protect the women. In case they do not protect and engage with women and do not give them the right opportunity, some women may take to the traits given above. So better for men to seek engagement with women actively and not lead their own self-centred lives.

Depending on what argument appeals to the reader, one may choose such an alternative and move on. There is no need to spoil one’s mind over such lines and reject the wisdom conveyed in various other verses.

In conclusion

Is मनुस्मृति relevant for 21st century? We are in an era when the institution of marriage itself is being questioned. Virtues like marital fidelity are seen as bondages and an impediment to free lives. Individualism is seen as paramount and male and female sexes are being posited as competitors rather than as joint participants in a mutually beneficial endeavour. In this modern backdrop, why should anyone read such ancient texts at all? My response is as follows:

1. People whose main focus in life is अर्थ and काम alone may not read this text – this is clarified right in the beginning by the ऋषि Himself. However, if people want to live a life of धर्म with अर्थ and काम as subsidiary to धर्म, the provisions of this text can be looked into.
2. As per मनु, wife and husband are one body, one person. This aligns them with the supreme principle of ancient Hindu thought where शिव and शक्ति are represented as Ardha Nareeshwara. They seem like two but they are one only. To live as one is a high standard but such alignment has the ability to take us closer to the ultimate reality as conveyed in texts like the शिवसूत्र.
3. मनुस्मृति envisages women at home supporting their men full-time. However, women in modern society have active careers with kids looked after by care-takers. So why should the स्मृति still be seen as relevant? My take is – there is no doubt that technology had made life much simpler and thereby given women an opportunity to explore their lives in a deeper manner. Why just women – even men have a greater opportunity to deepen their talents which was not possible even a century back. मनु however does not have any objection to pursuit of अर्थ and काम as long as such a कर्म is aligned to धर्म. And even to a modern person, how to maintain धर्म while pursuing अर्थ and काम remains a relevant question. Collapse of the institution of marriage is neither good for men and women nor for the children even as per modern Clinical Psychologists.
4. A superficial reading of the स्मृति seems to indicate that men seem to be having good while women merely serve their husbands – it is not so. The स्मृति has been written keeping in mind the धर्म of ब्राह्मण men – and the life envisaged for them is extremely difficult in terms of rules during study, responsibility to perform Shraddha, नित्य agnihotri, serving of guests, rules of eating, five kinds of यज्ञ to be performed daily, etc. In fact, one can see within the text that men probably have 50X rules to adhere to as compared with women. Most of these rules are however not being followed in modern era by men – however, the idea that धर्म must be pursued jointly by both wife and husband is a noble idea indeed. Wife and husband do not just marry to pursue careers or watch movies or travel to countries. Both of them are possessed of the Divine within them. And pursuit of Divine as a joint enterprise is the most conducive approach for both of them. So while they are pursue their अर्थ and काम needs, their primary goal remains pursuit of धर्म if they too are desirous of attaining सत् – चित् – आनन्द state. For this, the best approach is to work jointly with deep respect for one another and with full support for one another. And in this cooperative endeavour, both with prosper and both will be blissful.

ॐ तत् सत्

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Sources

a. https://www.wisdomlib.org/hinduism/book/manusmriti-with-the-commentary-of-medhatithi

b. https://www.valmiki.iitk.ac.in/

c. Siva Sutras, Yoga of Supreme Identity by Jaideva Singh

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