Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, puts self-respect as the fourth highest need and self-realization as the highest need. Or to use the language of शक्ति traditions, to move up from lower चक्र like मूलाधार, अनाहत, etc to the highest viz सहस्रार चक्र is the goal of the tradition. What exactly is our true reality, our highest state of being which may be akin to attainment of self-realization as conceptualized by Maslow? And is attainment of “self-respect” important in our quest to attain the highest? This blog attempts to use simple language to articulate the relationship between our highest state of being, viz our आत्मा and self-respect that we refer to in our day to day language. 

Our highest state of being

1. The highest and only reality of the Universe is शिव and उमा (they are the ultimate substance representing the root or मूल of our existence). शिव is the state of “Being” (सत् & चित्) while उमा is the state of “Experiencing” (आनन्द). शिव is also referred as to as प्रकाश aspect of us (which exists, knows, observes) and उमा is referred to as विमर्श aspect of us (where शिव experiences “I-ness” which creates, ideates and expresses itself on a continuous basis). The experience of “I-am” in its purest form thus may be taken as the state of उमा. Both are two aspects of one substance only.
2. As the highest state of शिव and उमा, one is universal. Other descriptions used are that this is the state of कैवल्य or मोक्ष. There are various other words in the शास्त्र that describe one living in such a state – अप्रमेयम् (not describable), निरन्तर (continuous or one without and end), निष्क्रिय (one with no activity), नि:सीम (one which has no end), असङ्ग: (one which cannot be associated with anything else or unattached), पूर्ण (one which is complete), सदाशिव: (one which is forever auspicious), शुद्ध बोध स्वरूप: (one whose essence is pure knowledge), केवल: (one which is absolute or the only One), अद्वितीयम् (one without a second), परम् (one which is ultimate), शुद्धम् (pure), नारायण (foundation of the universe), अखण्ड बोध: (unbroken essence of knowledge), निरीश्वर: (one which has no foundation or source since it is the foundation itself), अशेष साक्षी (eternal witness), निरुपमम् (unparalled), and many more words. This state is therefore not just our goal, it is the primary state of being of everything in the visible universe. 
3. This primary state of being is in a state of eternal creativity (and experiencing such a state as आनन्द). And how does such creativity express itself? One form of expression of शिव is पञ्चमुखी. Here, शिव and उमा collectively are expressed in the form of five faces. What are these five faces? ब्रह्म (for projection of a platform to experience inner intent), विष्णु (for ensuring that the platform shows continuity), रुद्र (change principle that happens in every experience), तिरोधान (hiding our connect with our reality) and अनुग्रह (revealing our reality, an act of grace).
4. So, if we participate in a drama, the stage of the drama is ब्रह्म, the actors and plot is विष्णु, the twists in the plot are रुद्र, the forgetting of our identity outside the drama that we are playing currently is तिरोधान and returning to our original nature is अनुग्रह.
5. One can participate in a drama effectively only if we forget that we are some another identity while acting. So, I set aside my home conduct at a workspace or a playground and vice versa. Forgetting or losing connect with our highest real identity enables us to perform our specific role more effectively – this explains the criticality of the idea of तिरोधान. One may recollect here the पुराण stories where श्री नृसिंह continued to remain in that state even after हिरण्यकशिपु was killed and even श्री परशुराम continued to remain in a state of anger till they were reminded of their true identity by शिव and राम respectively. 
6. And apart from forgetting, seeing and experiencing the stage projected by ब्रह्म as real (as experienced by senses and mind) is the अध्यारोप (super-imposition like one thinks one is seeing water in a desert while it is actually a mirage). This is also referred to as विष्णुमाया (and multiple other names) by various शास्त्र.
7. Now, if while acting, when we deviate from the plot and make our own changes, रुद्र principle works to remind us that there was an intent behind seeking an experience. This change can be disturbing (in terms of how कर्म and कर्म फल works) but necessary as per the original intent of शिव. 
8. Finally, as our perception of reality that we ascribe to what विष्णु shows us diminishes, we enjoy the experience of life duly aligned to the original intent of शिव, we grow spiritually and अनुग्रह (act of grace) happens and we regain our universality of our शिव state of being.

Seeing One in all and pure experience vs impure experience

1. And शिव and उमा are present in every being (plants, animals and all humans). All of us are in fact living owing to the divine spark of शिव and उमा within us – in fact, it is THEY are who living as a certain identity and “Being” and “Experiencing” is thus happening through us.
2. Let us imagine someone going for cycling or climbing a hill. When we experience cycling in a pure form, we will enjoy the ride, the breeze, a thrill of fast cycling, etc and even if impediments to cycling come in terms of incline or bad roads, etc., such impediments remain part of the thrill of pure experience and do not create any disturbance in the mind. Both good and bad aspects of cycling remain part of the thrill of the adventure of cycling – this is the state of pure experience. 
3. What is our situation? We do not feel the presence of शिव and उमा within us. Instead, we ourselves as cut-off and separate from others. We do not feel a connect with all forms of life. To some extent, we connect with our family and maybe a few close friends and we see all expressions of life (outside our limited identity) as the “other”. In a sense, तिरोधान makes this happen. 
4. Given our situation, we act as a parent, child, employee, friend, etc as if we are indeed these specific identities ONLY. Remember that उमा (as “Experiencing” aspect of शिव, the highest state of “Pure I” or “अहं”) is the one that is undergoing the experience as a mother, child, etc. However, given that our experience is not from the state of उमा but from a lower state, what we experience may thus be termed as state of impure experience. 

Self-respect and how to gain it to live life fully

1. Let us now come to the day-to-day world where it is said that those having self-respect will lead a successful life. The “self” referred here is the lower self – not that of शिव and उमा. We cannot even do day-to-day activities if we lack confidence in ourselves. Self-respect may thus be seen as a certain belief in our own capabilities, knowledge of our role in the overall scheme of things thereby enabling us to perform our actions in the world effectively and engage with the world without getting ruffled. Simply put, one who has self-respect becomes “capable”. This self-respect is necessary especially in the light of engaging with people who may praise us falsely, who may castigate us or we ourselves not being sure of our own capabilities. Thereby, pure or impure, both experiences cannot happen if we are unsure of ourselves and thereby lack ‘self-respect”. Question is – how does one gain “self-respect”? 
2. Self-respect can only come from capability. And capability can be developed by DOING an activity and LEARNING by doing this. Knowledge of ourselves thus gives us an idea of what we can do or make us acquire the capability what we do not possess to live life well. And this can only come from doing, acting or experiencing. So, what must we do?
3. We must do what is our धर्म. We must take charge of our lives. Our life throws various situations towards us, and we end up having to perform various roles – student, friend, wife, husband, employee, sportsperson, etc. To undertake all such roles by taking full responsibility of the situation with complete engagement and conviction is what enables us to live with self-respect. In the process, we face hurdles, happy outcomes, etc but going through all these with perseverance is what gives us self-respect. Simply put, living a life of धर्म is what gives us self-respect as living a life of धर्म needs traits like courage, perseverance, sincerity, simplicity, hard work, etc., an if all these are held on to, self-respect is a natural outcome of such a life. And such self-respect in turn becomes the fuel to do धर्म or stick to it more effectively. 
4. Self-respect is not something that others can give us with awards, praises, etc., but it can only come from within by living a life of धर्म. Whether we attain fame or not, whether others recognize our contribution or not, whether we succeed or fail (as per worldly norms), as long as we perform our धर्म, we will always retain self-respect in our-selves for doing what we are supposed to do in all situations. 

Challenges to living with self-respect

1. However, to live a life of धर्म is not easy, to discharge our role as parent, child, etc is not easy. There are impediments. Colleagues may not cooperate, we may not have financial resources to study, personal health may not cooperate, we may live in a country where civil unrest is high, etc. This tends to make us bitter about people close to us or society in general, etc. Constant abuse by others will also cause us to lose our own self-respect and ability to perform our धर्म gets weakened. 
2. How do we handle the contradiction between the view on one side that शिव and उमा are present in all being while, at the same time, struggle to cope up with people who are difficult to deal with? Following points are an attempt to bring clarity to this (apparent) contradiction:
   1. There is no other. All of life are an expression of शिव and उमा. This is the truth. 
   1. We must therefore behave with all persons as if they are part of me and not separate from me. Just as one body has hands, legs, head, ears, etc., others too will have to be seen as different expressions of the One – there is no doubt about it.
   1. And just as hands and legs and eyes and nose, etc cooperate with one another so that the one body works in a coordinated manner for the betterment of oneself, we too must engage and cooperate with other beings as if they are part of the One only. 
   1. But what if there is a conflict? If legs want to walk while mouth wants to eat, who wins? If legs always win and mouth does not get to eat, body suffers. If mouth always win and legs do not get to exercise, body again suffers. No one has to win – there is no race to win. Both have to understand धर्म and do what is in the interest of the body. But if legs are adamant, mouth may give some space to the leg to feel like winning but however will need to speak up on day in the larger interest of the body. 
   1. Yudhistira was chosen as the king of Indraprastha. Duryodhana poisoned Pandavas, tried to burn them following which Pandavas lived in the forest for a year, insulted Draupati, then again forced them to live away from their kingdom for 13 years. And as a last resort, even before the war, Pandavas tried to seek peace but the offer was spurned. After all options were exhausted, war became inevitable. And while the war was won, Pandvas lost everyone and all experienced huge sadness after the war. Thus, despite being capable, despite having self-respect, they tried their best to avoid a situation where they have to fight a war with their own family. But eventually, the war happened and while their self-respect was retained, they too suffered post-war since they lost their entire family. 
3. Connection with all beings is an essential requirement since that is the truth. A mother will tolerate all bad behaviour of her child because there is connection with the child. And while she may cajole, scold, beat, sing, etc. for the child, all these are undertaken out of love to ensure that the child behaves sensibly. Even in an extreme situation where a judge has to sentence his or her criminal child to jail, the judge will do so in the interest of the child (though he will experience sadness as a result of his action). Similarly, as a last resort, even if we decide to fight and make enemy of a badly behaved “other”, it is done in the wider interest of the society, our own ability to do धर्म and in the interest of the “other”. And the outcome of such a fight has to be sadness – if there is glee and jubilation for kicking the “enemy”, we are oblivious to the truth that शिव and उमा are present in all. 
4. When Gandhari asked श्रीकृष्ण whether He was happy with destruction of Kauravas, He replies that whether Pandavas win or Kauravas win, He will lose anyway since a part of Him is destroyed whichever side wins or loses. 

Self-respect will take us to मोक्ष 

1. Self-respect cannot be acquired by pursuit of power, fame or wealth. Self-respect cannot be acquired at the cost of others by disparaging or excluding them (except in extreme situations and that exclusion must also be done responsibly with a sense of loss). If self-respect is defined as acquisition of power, etc., it will deepen the idea of our lower identity (the non-self). Such deepening means rise of अहंकार or ego and deepening of ego takes us away from शिव and उमा within ourselves. 
2. Self-respect comes with responsibility. Acting responsibly is akin to living with धर्म. When in family, one takes responsibility for all family members. When at workplace, one takes responsibility for colleagues in the entity. When in society, one takes responsibility for all citizens in a country. Whether we live in a city or a town or a village, we take responsibility for all living beings – humans, animal life or plants. Taking responsibility is another expression of including others into our scheme of things. Such inclusion also means recognizing the presence of शिव & उमा in all.
3. Self-respect gained via responsibility lessens our identity of limited self that thinks itself as separate from the “other”. On the other hand, via inclusion, we expand ourselves to our wider universal identity. And this universal identity is the identity of शिव and उमा within all of us. 
4. And when one reaches the highest state, one is free. Experiences of life become pure. Experiences lead to आनन्द. And both “Being” and “Experiencing” become aligned to our स्वरूप viz that of सत्, चित् and आनन्द.

ॐ तत् सत्